Over the summer I briefly dated a man that I've mentioned in previous posts. This was a man..... that I met on OKCupid. (Yes, the dating website) I reactivated an old profile at a point in time when I felt beyond sick of dwelling on my ex - and knew I needed to have my palate cleansed, so to speak.
Once my account was up and running, I talked with a few guys, and went on a date with one man whom I decided against meeting for a second. Then I met my summer guy, and we hit it off immediately. But, although things seemed promising at first, they didn't last very long. Still, it was fun, and it really helped me to move on from the serious breakup that occurred eleven months earlier.
After Mr. OKC and I stopped dating, we remained "friends" (without benefits) for about a month. Despite the lack of benefits, it was a confusing situation. He was the one who had decided to end things - yet he sort of continued to lead me on in subtle, and in not so subtle ways, while we were "friends". I began feeling like an ego boost for him, instead of a friend. Eventually I confronted him about this and we stopped speaking. I genuinely enjoyed communicating with him, as well as his company, so I was disappointed about losing touch - but it was for the best.
This was all a very long introduction to the main point of this post - which is related to something he told me after we had stopped dating. We spoke regularly - practically daily - and often about our musings related to OK Cupid.
During one of these conversations, he (half) jokingly suggested that I select "casual sex" as one of the things I was looking for. To this, my immediate response was simply - "ew, no!"
"Come on, do it - just for a day. Do it for twelve hours, just to see what happens."
This suggestion obviously amused him, and his reaction peaked my curiosity.
"Haha, do guys.... I mean people, really filter search for that so much?" I asked.
His response - "um, yes".
I couldn't help but wonder what effect upon my inbox his proposed experiment might have. But, I regularly came across the profiles of friends and professional acquaintances, and even saw some of them in my list of profile visitors once in a while.... So, stating that I was looking for casual sex (which I am not) was simply not an option in my mind.... At least, not on my own profile.
You see.... curiosity has always been one of my strengths (also one of my weaknesses) and my desire to see the results of this little experiment eventually got the best of me. I decided to satisfy my inquisitive mind anonymously by creating a second OK Cupid profile. In my "casual sex profile" I uploaded a single non-identifying photograph and filled out just enough information to make it seem like I was indeed a real woman, seeking casual sex. Being somewhat versed in the scientific method, I needed to have some basis of comparison for the results I was about to observe - a control of sorts. Simple enough - I filled out the profile and uploaded the photo, and left it up for one day
before indicating that I was looking for casual sex. I received one message.
Satisfied with this "data" I began the actual experiment by altering nothing on my profile, except for the parameter which stated I was looking for casual sex. It was unbelievable. Within twenty four hours I received 45 messages.... (Yes, that is
one message/24hrs prior to selecting casual sex, as compared to
forty-five messages/24hrs after selecting it). I guess my ex-friend knew what he was talking about. Funny enough, I saw that he even visited my (fake) profile (although, he did not message me).
If you are curious, feel free to perform this experiment yourself - it is easy enough, and I don't doubt that the results will be equally dramatic. Guys that might be reading this, hey you could even do it too if you feel so inclined.
Anyhow, you may be wondering what I've done with my sexually liberated alter ego. And no- I haven't erased her. I quickly discovered that there were a few duplicate senders - that is men who sent messages to my fake profile, that also messaged my real self.... and so I've developed my very own screening method.
Hey, I once heard someone describe online dating as being like defensive driving. You never know when someone is representing themselves, or their intentions, falsely. I hold nothing against people who are first and foremost seeking physical connections - but this is not my own agenda. Clearly, the men seeking this far outnumber the women (at least on OK Cupid...) and as many of us ladies have learned the hard way at one point or another - it is very possible to be led to believe that someone whom you are beginning to like, is looking for something real - only to later discover that you were, as they say, played. I say, better safe than sorry.
