When It's Over #3 - Response to Reader's Story (When It's Over #2)

OK so here are my thoughts, take them or leave them as you see fit.  I am not an expert on love by any means, and while I doubt such a person REALLY exists, I feel I should preface with that.  I started my blog based on my own curiosity about love's complexities after my first experience with it - and like most things in life, it seems collaboration and cooperation always yield the best results.  Thus the importance of reader feedback/stories etc.

Anyhow, that seems a sufficient intro so here are my thoughts.  You ask

How do I let him go?  How do I walk away from someone that loves me that much?  How do I cut him out of my heart?

And my answers will probably not be satisfying but here they are - while you can steer it in the right direction - you can't control your heart.  He will probably always be in your heart, but like with any loss (think about your experiences losing friends, loved ones family, etc) time makes things better.  In fact, time is the only thing that helps, and while it will never erase your memories, your feelings will fade in time (although they will probably never disappear).  Every day you say your marriage is getting better - what a beautiful thing!  Be proud of yourself for deciding to honor your promise and let your thoughts drift to the knowledge that you are happier in your marriage than you have been in ... years?  Try to remember the early days of your relationship with your husband.... the more you think about them, the more you'll remember the feelings you once shared, which will help you to revive them! 

Regarding "Him" - it sounds like you have to have contact with him due to your work.  That is tough.  No contact is definitely the best way to allow yourself the distance you'll need to give your marriage the best shot it has.  You must know this, and I know how much easier it is said than done, but cutting your contact with him will be best for you in the long run.  That idea probably seems unbearable.  Believe me, I GET that (been there) - so maybe try this. 

Your quiet moments that come - when you think about him - well, he has those moments too.  I guarantee you that, you live on in his thoughts, and his memories.  Cutting contact will be difficult for both of you - but you really should, to be fair to yourSELF.  Tell yourself that you'll have absolutely zero contact with him for two years (one if that seems too unbearable) - for now, start with that.  It will be hard.  But it WILL get easier! 

Do everything that you can to rekindle your feelings for your husband.  Take romantic weekend trips, spice up your sex life - do whatever you need to to revive the intimacy in your marriage.... Realize how lucky you are that your husband WANTS to do the work it will take, and that because of that, you guys have a real shot.  Try to think about things you can do to accomplish this goal whenever you find yourself feeling lonely, with your thoughts drifting towards him.  They'll still drift towards him, don't beat yourself up for that, but in time, and with PRACTICE (yes, you can train yourself to change your thoughts, and like everything else, it takes work) you will think of him less and less.

I hope this helps a little bit.  I'm glad to hear that you realize how many good things that you have in your life - and don't beat yourself up for struggling to move on.  You are doing the best you can!  Keep it up. 

Thanks so much for sharing your story and your thoughts.